Oct
24
What’s my Age Again?
Many have told us that the MMO industry is still quite young. It got me think, well, how young is it if we converted it to human development. I don’t really know, but I’ve got some phases that I’ve either seen it go through or I’ve imagined it go through. Here we go:
The Zygote
Congratulations….you’re in the concept art phase of you’re MMO. In this phase, if it’s your first game, you’re feeling the following things: angry, sad, happy, teary, weepy…and ummm, hungry for french fries with Mayo. Weird. Your game has lots of potential and the sky is the limit. It could be the next Everquest or…well, let’s not even bring the analogy down the “other road”.
The New Born
It’s here…it’s here!! This is probably the most exciting and tiring moment of your life. When you launch this thing and it’s sitting there looking up at you, you understand the meaning of life. You understand that you will do anything for it. You understand that you will never get a good night sleep again. The good thing about new born MMOs is that they are new and still full of potential. Everybody thinks they are adorable but those are the people who a) don’t have a new born MMO of their own or b) have been lobotomized by time and have forgotten the new born experience. You know that this thing shits and pisses itself constently. You know that it usually throws up on your shoulder when you burp it. You know that you have to feed it every three hours or it whines and cries all….fricking…night.
….but you soldier on despite the freakishly smelling shit, the whining from the players and the constant worrying that it’ll stop breathing at night because hey, it’s your baby.
The Wonderful Ones
You’ve made it through the first year. You’re not up all night feeding it and it’s not crying so much anymore. Actually, it’s starting to become a fun thing to interact with. It’s starting to smile back at you and giving you more feedback on the love you put into it. You’re sleeping more at night. It’s growing and it’s healthy and that’s all you care about. It still cries quite a bit though and secretly you wish it didn’t have that ability until it was 20. You really don’t mind the crying, because you know it’s because it’s for predictable reasons…you’re no longer guessing its needs which is comforting in a way.
The Terrible Twos
Gawd…does that thing ever shut up. You really didn’t mind the crying when it was one, but now it’s the constant whining over really stupid stuff that is driving you absolutely, bat-shit crazy. Ohhhh my class is not powerful enough. Whaaaaaaa, my Sword of Bigger Penis Size has been nerfed. Whaaaaaaa Johny took my dolly and I had it first….I waaaaaant it baaaack!!!. But nature made your baby incredibly cute, so it would be very hard to tie it up in a potato sack and take it for a “ride”, wouldn’t it. All MMOs owe their lives to how cute nature has made them.
The Toddler
It’s learning to walk on it’s own. It’s learning to talk more and it’s playing pretty much on its own without you interfering. You can actually play with it and get a good laugh out of the funny things it says and does….you don’t really understand what it says, but that’s part of what makes it funny. It’s grown enough that other people are starting to have fun with it too. People also laugh at some of the odd things it will do….like eat the grass, oh yeah, that’s funny.
The Kid
It’s going to school now and it’s starting to get more and more of its independence each day…and that makes you both proud and sad at the same time. On one hand it’s growing up to be the great game you wanted it to be when it was born…on the other, you’ve lost your baby and can never get that feeling again unless you make another MMO (…enter in time’s lobotomy…). It’s brining back all sorts of paintings and art. It’s doing well in math and science and meeting new friends…things you never though of before are starting to creep up in it’s personality and this makes you more proud.
The Tween
It’s starting to understand that you can be questioned. It’s starting to really get it’s independence and you starting to question if the feelings you had about that whole aspect of development where wise. The times for “attitude adjustments” are becoming more frequent. You find yourself coming closer and closer to just beating the snot out of it so that it understands that you put it on this earth and you know what, you can take it out as well. Soon you learn that your role is to guide it on the path, not tell it what path to take
The Teenager
Rebellious little shit…what’s with the mohawk??!!! And who the heck is that guy on the motorcycle??!!
…
…you pierced WHAT!!!??
College
It’s on its own now and you’ve done all you can to make sure that it has the tools to be successful. Your job is pretty much done and the only thing you do now it listen to it and give advice as they ask. You thought you worried a lot when it was born but that’s nothing compared to how you feel right now….it’s whole future is in front of it and there is no telling what it’ll come up against.
….maybe an expansion pack with the pepper spray upgrade will make me sleep better at night.
D out.
